I’m speechless. I don’t think I’ve ever heard someone telling me she/he looks up to me. <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3
Thanks for putting a smile on my face Anon!
I sure am:)
Awwww. Thanks Anon! :) I’m ok for the moment. I mean, it could always have been worse, right?
In my last entry, I wrote about a guy who messaged me again, months after telling me he didn’t feel comfortable fucking me because of the flashbacks. I blocked him to begin with, because I didn’t want to deal with whatever he had to say.
But of course I was too curious in the end. I unblocked him and wrote him back. Two days later, we met up again. I went home to him after a night out. We sat and talked for a while, before heading to bed. Nothing happened to begin with. But then we started cuddling. One thing led to another, and suddenly I was sucking his dick. He choked me while fucking me from behind. I moaned and felt horny. I wanted him to fuck me harder, more brutal. I wanted to feel his hand around my neck tighten even more.
But then I started to panic. I started to sob, but I didn’t want to turn around and let him see my face. That’s how I scared him away the last time after all. We fooled around, but I panicked right before we actually fucked. I didn’t want to scare him away again. I tried so hard to stay calm and collected. I guess I succeeded. Or, no - I didn’t. But I managed to fool the both of us into thinking things were okay, I suppose.
We fucked again the following morning. He fucked me from the side. I let out a sharp, short laugh after he came on my back. I guess I sort of found it funny that we were lying there, both in pain. Him because of his back problems. Me because of the flashbacks. It felt like we were two cripples. I felt so dead inside.
I was putting on my heels and getting ready to leave, when he out of the blue said ” it seems like you have a difficult time accepting that some people actually aren’t out to hurt you”. He told me to stop panicking and running away when good things happen.
I sort of froze after hearing him say that. I wanted to turn around and sneer that I have my motherfucking reasons to fucking run the fuck away from people. I could feel myself wanting to hurt him, since I sure as hell didn’t want to be confronted with shit like that by someone like him - just another guy trying to save me or whatever. Huh.